Look prick, my name is NOT Tracy

Okay, first of all. I have to complain about my mouse once again. The thing is fucking crazy. It highlights stuff, clicks around, sends things without my permission, etc. IT gives me the same solution everytime. Look guys, unplugging it, turning of the computer and rebooting doesn't work. Assholes. They probably watch me on some hidden camera and just sit back there laughing. 

as I just keep doing it over and over hoping it will work. Like a little IT puppet with Alzheimer's. 

Or like a lazy 24 year old piece of shit who can't muster up the energy to type a 3 digit extension into the tele and say "um, yeah, that pluggy-unpluggy-rebooty thing? not so much."

You can't tell, but I just stopped typing for a good 3 minutes to just watch my paragraphs highlight and un-highlight and blink reaaaalllly fast a couple of times, and then erase everything.

NOOOOOOO oh wait, oh yeah, uppp control Z...oh yeah, that's good shit right there.

[I am using my Peter Griffin voice]

Anyway, on top of finding little things like this *slightly* (re: infuriatingly) annoying, 

I'm petrified.

What if my gchat switches over to my outlook, opens an email, and I type something like

"OMG remember the time I fell down the stairs after we smoked pot for 3 hours and when you tried to help me up I accused you of trying to steal the cheetoh cheese off my fingers? tee hee hee" 

...send.

Oh, shit.

I just sent that to [insert big wig company or client name]. 

THAT would happen to me. 

Why? 

Oh I dunno, either because God believes in Karma and wants to get me back for the sins I have racked up over the years, OR he has big plans for me. Such as unemployment and a resulting change of blog names: whitehobo1bridge.blogspot.com.

Anyway, for the time being I AM employed. Have I told you how much I missed client service? 

Most days, I don't even mind bending over backwards and letting clients gang bang me until I can crawl into bed at night.

But here's where I draw the line assholes: MY NAME IS COURTNEY.

you talk to me 2-3 times a week. my voicemail says courtney. my email signature says courtney. I even sign my own name because I like to be "personable" so it's there TWO TIMES.

I have been called everything starting with a C or ending in a Y. Names that have both are less annoying. Christy, Kelly, Callie, Cammy....fine, whatever, you are deaf and can't read, but you are close.

Crystal, Kathy, Cameron, Amy, Chelsea, Brittany.....Not so much.

I mean seriously, maybe you should learn my name.

Please?

inferiority complex.

sad face emoticon.

This name game is cute in one and ONLY one situation. 

Our housekeeper Maria is from Honduras and speaks English very well but her writing skills are another story.

My name is forever and always will be Corni. Almost as cool as Estece, which is my mom's Honduran alter ego.

Honestly, Maria is the shit, so she could call me "Jefferey" if she wanted and I would respond.

But this is not so for you passive-aggressive Americans! 

My favorite was "Tracy"

I was called Tracy twice in an email and once by phone, before he switched to calling me Jessica, which is whose position I took over. I mean, I know they both have 2 syllables and kind of sound alike...but come on!

Oh wait? you caught that? Yes, Jessica has 3 syllables and neither looks nor sounds like Courtney.

I had 2 thoughts: I could ignore the email and then tell him I "thought Tracy was getting back to you on this" or......I considered responding to his email with a name that resembled his or adding a little something special on the end.

Ex. Name: Ted 

Alias: Tom 

Nickname: Teddy Bear

Of course I inevitably chickened out (re: wanted to keep my j-o-b) on both options and sent a sappy sweet email back fixing his problemthatwasnotevenreallyaproblembutapparentlytheworldwasending.

This is why I drink.

Okay, it's totally not. I drink because I like to and it makes things so much more fun.

Not that I don't know how to have fun when I'm not drinking.

(totes don't shhh)

Don't judge me.

Tracy started it.