To avoid any participation in the Tiger Woods extravaganza, I decided to go in the opposite direction and focus on that cute little queer Adam Lambert.
Actually I really just enjoyed this article.
There are so many little details that I chuckled over.
First of all, Adam was a ginger?
O.M.G. you could totally go have babies with Clay Aiken and start an American Idol collection of kids who swear they aren't gay but we all know they are gay and then they all come out and we have a big gay party with cupcakes and good music. And then Adam busts out whips and chains and strippers.
Any excuse for a party, right?
I'll bring the vodka.
Adam actually got his wild side from his first girlfriend. Ironically, her name was BJ.
Okay, now I know I still laugh at the word penis, but is anyone else giggling about this? BJ!
To make it even better, BJ was an 18 year old sista from Compton.
Here's where I got suspicious.
Go go Google search!
Excuuuuse me, Adam. You grew up in San Diego and I do believe Wikipedia puts you in Mesa Verde Middle School circa 1996, so where did you find little miss Thicky Thick?
Also noted, Adam never said he LIKED kissing girls. He merely said he did it.
His words of advice, "Get out from behind the mirror!"
What does that even mean?
Did you mean out from underneath the microscope?
I'm so confused.
You know he sings Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" while he spikes that shiny black hair every morning.
Right before he lays on the bed and zips his pants with a pair of tweezers.
So I guess you do need a mirror, eh Adam?
Because apparently, Adam is also trying to slip him bum into an even skinnier pair of skinny jeans.
So he turned down Wonka Candy for a stick of gum.
Great, we have suddenly been transported to Biggest Loser Tip land where Bob and Jillian tell us to ignore those hunger pains and go for a stick of Extra 5 calorie gum instead!
Unless it's bacon flavored I will pass....
I bet he is just chewing that gum so that he can go make out with BJ later.