Although yesterday was the shortest day of the year, today feels like the longest.
I just can't wait for that big fat jolly man to come tumbling down my chimney.
So I'm sitting here being paid to be a completely worthless lump of flesh.
Everybody likes weird shit.
And by everyone, I primarily mean me.
Weird is even better when there is a scandal involved.
Especially a scandal involving Slootface McGee.
Story no. 1:
Woman and her husband notice their twins have different facial features, so they get them tested and find out they have different fathers! Woman admits she was having an affair and then cries about it...
"This could happen to anyone in the world but it had to happen to me...."
Uh, actually this could only happen to a two-timin hoe, and if you read story no. 2 you will find that twins have to be conceived on the same day.
WHAT a SLUT!
shoulda done it in the butt....
or not let your husband request a DNA test.....
SO the moral of the story is that you went penis pickin on the farm and came back with 2 souvenirs.
That's called Karma.
Condoms can prevent Karma.
9 breast enlargements, 1 gallon of silicon, and trip to Brazil later, she officially is the woman most likely to fall flat on her face.
Do you think they made her nipples bigger or is this going to be like trying to hit the bulleye on the dat board for her boyfriend?
Oh wait, nevermind.
You don't have a boyfriend....because "you loved him very much but let him go to follow your dream."
When I was little, I had real American dreams, like becoming a garbage man or the mail delivery guy.
I guess we'll call you the milkman, cuz you got JUGS.
Can't turn a hoe into a housewife!