Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Who wants to be clean when you can be dirty?

I really hit an all time low this morning.
We won't even get into the fact that the only reason I did laundry last night was because I ran out of underwear.
Add that to my Christmas list, Mom, along with socks. Ankle socks, not Christmas themed socks. Because then I end up wearing Christmas and Halloween socks year round and it's hard to explain reindeer and skeletons in April.
So anyway, I was drying my hair, (yay for showering before work!) when I felt a little tickle on the bottom of my foot. I reached down to see what it was and ended up pulling a giant hairball off my sock.
Like any normal person, I was absolutely disgusted. But unlike a normal person, I did not take the hairball to the trash can 5 feet away, I conveniently threw it back on the floor, walked into the living room, put on shoes, and then went back to my room to finish getting ready.
It took a few minutes for it to register what I had done.
That right there, folks, is gross.
If this was a single event, it may have not been that bad, but just last night, I pulled my ass from it's indention on the couch to move to my bed and noticed I had been sitting on a chocolate covered raisin for a good while. The chocolate was a little soft, but still intact. So I threw it away. YEAH RIGHT! I ate that sucker. And it was good! I realized after I had swallowed that I just ate something brown that had been under my butt for a good part of the evening.
It reminded me of the obese people that find pickles in their rolls.
Doesn't matter how it got there, it's the taste that counts.
So in order to make up for my chocolate covered hairball adventures, I decided that I needed to vacuum my room....right then. I was 15 minutes late for work because I couldn't stand the thought of being in my own filth for another second.
Unfortunately, the vacuum smelled of feet, so I had to febreeze all up in that mug, and then it smelled like 'ocean-fresh' feet.
I just can't win.

Maybe because I'm lazy.
I can run a half marathon, but I refuse to take 3 minutes to put new sheets on my bed. Don't worry, I'm not sleeping on dirty sheets, I'm just not sleeping with sheets at all.
Like a homeless person.
Who probably has cleaner living quarters than I do.
But you know what? I'm still not going to do anything about it.
I will go home, (or out) have an adult beverage or two, come home, throw my crap in my oversized armchair, throw on the same pair of sweatpants I have worn the past 2 weeks, crawl into my mite-ridden bed, and shed balls of hair onto my carpet until tomorrow morning.....

When I may or may not choose to shower...
Sweet dreams,

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