Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Knock Knock.....


So, call me celery I'm a stalker.
That's right, I'm once again terrorizing office employees and this time it's the housekeeping team.
I drink a lot of water. And when I'm not drinking water, I'm drinking coffee or diet dr. pepper, which explains my potty dance behavior and routine trips to the bathroom. 
Well, due to my constant use of toilet paper, housekeeping is constantly in the restroom replacing toilet paper. And I always walk in right when they are making their move.
Because I am the only person that exists on earth, I usually don't watch where I'm going. Sometimes I walk halfway into the stall before I realize someone is in there. Then I will loudly shout, "Oops! or oh, hello!" into the sound reverberating stall, scaring the poor housekeeping ladies senseless. Then I usually laugh like I made some ruhtard joke as they silently nod and smile.
Then, because I feel awkward, I usually do a nod and smile too.
I think they speak English, and actually I think they like me, but I don't really know because I never get more than this meager, "Hello" (smile, head down).
Are they scared of me?
Embarrassed for me because they think I have that overactive bladder syndrome and am probably wearing depends under my skinny jeans?
Angry at me for washing my hands while they are trying to refill the tampon machine?

The truth is, I want, no I need the housekeeping team to like me. I don't care about anyone else, but those ladies are nice. When nice people like you, it's kind of like you are nice, too. 
That's right, I'm now riding the coattails of housekeeping. 
So anyway.
 I was on the 9th floor of our building today for a team meeting and went to the bathroom. And who did I find but Housekeeper #1 (HK1). She nodded and smiled, and I got warm fuzzies and I went about my way. 
An hour later, I came back to my desk at the 10th floor and decided I should probably use the restroom before I spent the rest of the day on the phone with my boss.
Oh, hello HK1!

It's been so long, te extrano!
Something about peeing in front of another person just really bonds you.
Like waiting in line for the port-o-potty for a tailgate or friends you meet in the bathroom.
I'm so awkward, making piss friends and all. 

Then I just turned into a creep.
I went to the 11th floor to get a cup of ice.
On my way, I just stopped to grab some TP from le toilet to blow my nose. 
HK1 was in there!
I swear, I just needed to relieve some sinus pressure.
I didn't even have time to investigate my nose blow by unfolding the TP because I just wanted to get out of there.

She'll probably tell HK2 that empties the trash each night that I am just sticking around after hours to watch her clean the place.
Even worse that I always have headphones in and can't hear her coming so she has to touch my shoulder to get my attention or my knee as she whips my little trash bucket from beneath my desk.
It's like going to the nail salon but in the comfort of my own office.
And I used to know spanish but don't anymore, so I will just be struggling to pair together strings of words I recognize with those I don't.
ho hum.

I wonder if we can still be friends.
I mean, I really want her to like me....

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