You look like a monkey and you smell like one too

After a long weekend sans blog, it's time to get my nose back to the grindstone. I'm talking about the blog.... Work will not resume until NEXT Monday when my baller vacation is over.

So far we've been to San Francisco and Vegas and arrived in Saaaaaan Dieeeggooo last night. Due tithe fact we all have jobs we want and need to keep, I'll just skip any sort of re cap and fast forward to now.

Today we are headed to the Zoo. We decided on some sort of scavenger hunt at dinner last night. I'm not sure exactly how it is going to work but it involved drinking and animal poses, two of my favorite pasttimes.

After a zoo fueled conversation of Furries and costumes fetishes, I really did begin to wonder what animal I would want to be if I had to be displayed in the zoo.

Personally, I think the zoo hater "don't lock up the animal" groups can suck it. If half of those animals are as narcissistic as I am then they are lovin it. L-O-V-I-N. I would kill for someone to let me bask in the sun of southern California, bring me meals at required intervals, and let people pay to oohh and aahh and take pictures of me. Where is the Con?

SO. I narrowed it down to the top 5.

5. Anaconda. Strong, powerful, gets what it wants, does not have to chew food since it can unhinge it's jaw--also useful in other areas *wink wink*. Plus that ssssssss noise is perfect for my Jim Carrey impersonations. Sssssssmokin!

4. Lion. Female of course. I hunt for the pack. For delicious meat. I am queen. My mate gets one serious mane. Sexy. Rarrrrr.

3. Flamingo. Apparently in captivity they receive supplements to maintain the pink color. I'd like to do it the old fashioned way and eat shrimp, because they are plump little nuggets of pink goodness, but either way I want to stretch my neck, flap my wings, and stand on one leg. Bonus: flamingos pee on their legs to keep warm. This would save me so much time when drinking. I didn't pee my pants, I'm just staying nice and toasty. Niiice.

2. Elephant. I love peanuts. I want a trunk. I could join the circus. I would remember everything....or so I've heard. My big ears would be a status symbol. I could make smiley faces out of my knee fat wrinkles. So amaaaaze. Yes, I would very much like to trumpet my horn as an elephant.

1. Monkey. Small monkey, not gorilla. Long tail to whip around, curling it around ropes, jumping to my tire swing and frolicking to my hammock. Oh yeah, no showering, just getting my buddies to pick me clean. Hells yeah. Life would be bananas! (chah-ching)! And if not, I'd just fling dung around in a fit of rage. Problem solved.

Ooh ooh ooh Ahhhhh!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hey, hey, I'm technical!