My name is Courtney, and I guilty of spending long Sundays on the couch watching Lifetime.
The movies are addicting. And not in a "I just flipped it on and couldn't stop watching" kind of way.
I go to on demand and turn that shit on.
Tory Spelling in white wash jeans? YES.
Evil wife kills husband mistress for cheating? YES.
And now.....PREGNANCY PACT.
I have been anticipating the debut for weeks now.
And last night, I giddily hopped into bed at 8pm to settle down for some good old-fashioned lifetime lovin.
The movie started with multiple make out scenes.
Apparently these kiddos are quite slutty.
I mean, I wasn't having sex at 14, neither were my friends, and we certainly were not making pacts to have behbehs.
I was busy puking up smirnoff ice for the first time and wearing rubber bands in my braces to fix my cross bite.
But what really bothered me was that no one would really want to have sex with the main character Sarah.
I'm pretty sure when your hair is that red, it is inevitable for the carpet not to match the drapes.
And if someone did sleep with Slutty Sarah, it would most certainly not be Jesse, this handsome young rascal:
Yes, I do realize I am creepy for thinking someone who plays a high school boyfriend is hot.
And I am even creepier for googling him and finding out he was born in 1991, which is the same year as my little brother.
That's a different decade.
He probably doesn't even remember fraggle rock or squeeze its.
I would give him a nice haircut if I could get my hands on him to prevent a full blown douche look like Million Dollar Listing's Chad Rogers:
I think I have been thinking a little too much into this.
But my friend alissa seems to feel the same way (thank God for facebook).
So anywho, in comes super reporter Thora Birch.
I. LOVE. THORA BIRCH.
Hocus Pocus, good movie.
Now and Then, great movie.
And now, Pregnancy Pact.
My favorite quote of the whole movie is when one girl tells her mom she is pregnant and then gets all melodramatic because her mom is not happy:
"Happy! No, I am not happy! No one wants to be a grandmother at 31!"
Time out. She is 15. You are 31. This means you had her at 16.
Well well well, teenage pregnancy at its finest.
Thora: Didn't your mom's talk to all of you about the dangers of teenage pregnancy?
Girl 1: My mom, um, like, isn't really, um, my mom's not around much
Girl 2: YOU MEAN SHE'S WASTED ALL THE TIME!! (cackle)
Due to lack of sensitivity I too
cackled busted a gut for a good 5 minutes....by myself, in bed, watching lifetime.
And gchatting about it with my friends all the while.
My life is really turning out just the way I expected.
I kind of lost track of what happened at the end, but I think they all ended up alone, poor, and continuing in some vicious teenage pregnancy blackhole.
I got busy stalking a real, live
girl skank i know who just had a baby.
I dug around for awhile before concluding the exact time she got pregnant and know she was not dating anyone.
I'm not all judgmental about one night stands.
But I don't think I'd be collecting a souvenir for that little adventure.
Then again, maybe it was all part of a PACT.
A PREGNANCY PACT.
I love you Lifetime.