Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My name is Courtney, and I am a fruit fondler

That's right, kiddos. I'm on the prowl, and I want me some nanners.

It all started today at lunch. Since I was driving to and from the gym and drinking wine  really busy last night, I didn't want get a chance to go to the grocery store. So I moseyed on down to the Swan Cafe to holler at my girl and get a turkey sandwich. While I was waiting for my bird on bread, I saw them.....basking in the fluorescent light next to the older than dust cinnamon rolls....the bananas.

I really like bananas. But I'm OCD. I only like the big bananas that grow on the front of the bunch. I like them to have that angle on them. You know what I'm talking about? I also like them just the slightest bit of green, not the bitter green where you can't even peel the damn thing and then the bitter burn of mush puckers your whole face. Just a little green. Or at least bright yellow. None of those little brown dots. I like my nanners sans acne.

sidenote: co-worker Matt just caught me drawing bananas.
boy is my face red.

Lemme tell ya bought them apples.
I loathe mushy apples.
I like em crispy and crunchy.
Pink Lady apples are good, but the texture is usually all lumpy and weird, which freaks me out, so I go with the best I can find.
Bruises? No siree.
So I fondle the fruit.
I could spend 30 minutes in the fruit section.

Sometimes I even test out the grapes.
Gross, right?
You know how many hands have been on those grapes?
Too bad squishy grapes are grosser.
Are you sensing a pattern here?

I like em firm and big.

Or even small and firm if it's dried fruit.
I love raisins.
And craisins.
And Raisin Bran Crunch.
And ants on a log.
And California Raisins.

And raisin' hell.
Cuz that's fun too.
Is it 5:30 yet?

This post is terrible.
I'm going to go drink some wine, made out of hydrated raisins (grapes) but not the kind I fondle in Kroger.
K love ya, mean it, byeeeeee.

No comments:

Post a Comment