Monday, November 23, 2009

Separation Anxiety

Austin, Texas is a crook.
It has stolen multiple credit and debit cards, entire purses, approximately 6 digital cameras, and what amounts to 1 phone per year of residence.
And now, Austin takes my iPhone. On a visit, no less! Is this how you treat your 'guests'?
To avoid intense feelings of rage, I am imagining my poor little iPhone alone, shivering in the cold streets as the frigid rain beats down on the black screen, slowly sucking the life out of my prized connection to the world. Or maybe it is hiding under the seat of a cab, inching it's way further and further into the shadows so no one can see it. Wishing....hoping....that I will come back for it. At night it cries for me in the darkness,
"courtneeeeyyy, why have you forsaken me? Will I ever feel the tap tap tap of your fingers again? How will you survive? How will I survive? Oh, whoa is me! Come back to find me!"
Yes, that is how I choose to imagine my phone. In reality, I'm sure some lovely scum of the earth is now enjoying their new phone and my sim card has been tossed in some dumpster outside of 6th street. So long, 1st love. It was nice while it lasted. At least I managed to salvage the shitty rubber case I keep you in. Apparently that was what I really found important. Now I can put it on my new (crappier version) and have static-ky (sp?) hair just like old times!
The fact that my road trip companion had also lost her phone made me feel strangely better about myself, although I'm not sure why. I suppose I was merely trying to regain a slight bit of dignity and just didn't think about the fact that if we blew out a tire or were conveniently kidnapped at a truck stop that we would be shit out of luck.
Anywho, I annoyingly had to log in to facebook via computer, ugh, to reconnect with the world. What did I find? One of my best friends got engaged and I missed it!! I suspected this was coming around the holidays despite her objections, and I picked the one weekend that it happened on to be a completely irresponsible mess. Okay well, I'm kind of always a mess, but I picked this weekend to lose my lifeline to the world!
Side note: If her fiance would have told me he was doing this, I might have been a little more careful. Or maybe I would have been in Chicago, not Austin. Details, details. He's probably a smart man. I would have been way too excited and possibly given it away. Plus I like him, so I'll let it slide.
This is going to be a wedding for the record books. It's the Irish v. the Italians. I will have to prepare my stomach and my liver for months. Amaaaze.
After finding this out, there were no second thoughts about whether I should order a cheap phone online, wait to get a sim card the next day and use my flip phone, or to just go get my soul back right then.
Off to the AT&T store I went.
Thank God my mom didn't deposit the check I wrote her last week. When I say I'm broke, I actually mean it. Unlike some of my friends who think "broke" means they wish they had $5,000 in their account instead of $2,000. To me, "broke" is when I have $21 to last me 9 days, not including the $125 I have left on my credit card before it maxes out.
I eat a lot of peanut butter and noodles.
So anyway, I scrounge up enough to go get a stupid 8GB that costs me as much as the original 16GB I bought. I was slightly embarrassed that I had to see the girl I spoke with on the phone because a) I was shocked that these stupid phones still cost this much so I may or may not have acted like she was the crazy one, and b) I was in my classic hangover gear--glasses, greasy hair, smelly t shirt, and nike shorts--in 50 degree weather. If only I had my Uggs.
The store closes at 6pm Sundays. It's 5:30. Good thing I feel the need to revert to child mode and hang out at my parents' house when I feel sick (yes, hangovers are legit illness, judgmental judies).
Because even though I have a separate online account, pay my own bills, and have a different billing address than my Dad, he is the only "authorized user" on the account. 
REALLY? Because I am pretty sure the NICE little gay man on Oak Lawn gave me an iphone and let ME sign my OWN 2 year contract without any glitches.
After explaining (snarkily bragging) about this to him, he wouldn't budge. Good thing I'm not even responsible enough to drive up to the store on my own and my mom was waiting in the car. You know, so I could use her cell phone to call my dad. Since I don't have one. Because I like jagerbombs and tequila too much. And then I like to get on my phone and tell people how much I love J&T and then leave my phone sitting in the car seat. 
Anyway, my dad being the nice man that he is drives up to the store and helps me. 
And it's a good thing he did. Because at this point I was beginning to experience severe pangs of separation anxiety. I was like on of those dogs they capture on hidden camera when the owners leave. Scratching at the door, whining, barking, ripping the carpet from the floor and clawing at the siding on the door.
I was foaming from the mouth, making small whimpering noises, and allowing the rage to bubble up inside of me until I SNAP!
That AT&T clerk would have been lying in a fetal position in tattered clothing if I hadn't gotten my phone. I would have been sitting next to him on the floor, smiling with his jacket sleeve hanging from my mouth.

Luckily for that man, these things did not have to happen.
Super Greg to the rescue! (again....)
Is there an age limit for running to your parents every time something goes wrong?
I hope not. 
Besides, parents like to help their children, right?

I wonder if it hurt him to see his child in such excruciating pain as I swiped my debit card and entered my pin. He might not have seen it since the card went through and a wave of relief came over me. Causing me to momentarily look less pissed than I was.

In other news, AT&T allowed me to put on my big girl pants. I'm now an authorized user.
My mom still isn't.
I'd like to see it when she needs a new phone and they tell her that her husband has to be present. Talk about a pitbull disguised as a  [insert nice dog here because I don't feel like picking my brain at the moment].
So my phone is back, my money is gone, and I'm saying a little prayer of thanks that the holidays are here so I can go hide in a cave and have free meals and relax.
Of course there is still that small matter of Big XII and Rose Bowl tickets that I had begun to save a (laughable) amount for.  

 I'm now accepting donations.
You know you want me there so I can do something stupid that will "make for a good story."
We all really know that means you either
1) don't know what else to say
2) are just glad I did something more shameful than you and now you feel better about yourself and are going to spread the word of the stupid thing I did. If it happened to you, it might not be so "good"

But then again, I'm a trooper. And I like free stuff. So if I need to sell myself short to get so free tickets to these games, then by golly I will.
You can watch for me on the big screen.
I thought I told ya, Imma staaar... 

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