Thursday, November 12, 2009

How do you stuff your stocking?

Today, Christmas Eve is exactly 6 weeks away.
I like Christmas Eve more than Christmas. I'm a huge sucker for tradition and Christmas Eve is always the same. Tamale dinner, Red wine, Midnight Church service, and getting to open one present.
Oh, and my younger brother and sister have to hang out with the family. On Christmas day, they only have to suffer with us for 5 or 6 hours before retreating upstairs, only to emerge for outing with friends (re: We're sick of you, and we like beer pong better than you. Merry stinkin' Christmas, family.)

But the lead up to the holidays is almost as exciting as the holidays themselves.
I'm leaving out Thanksgiving because the only things I'm really looking forward to are the wine, mac n cheese and UT v A&M game.
I don't like oven-cooked turkey or pie. It's a texture thing.
So I wait for Christmas....
Countless movies on every channel imagineable
DFW's 103.7 "All Christmas Music All the Time"
Hot Toddies (such as this "grown up hot chocolate" that can only be described as Amaretto Dessert-y Goodness--via @kendallgibbs)
Starbucks Holiday Cups
Ice Skating at the Galleria
ICE at the Gaylord--Which is featuring a "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown" theme this year! I love Charlie Brown.

The list goes on and on. And somewhere in there falls Christmas shopping.
So I ask, "How do you stuff your stocking?"
My mom still does stockings for us and it usually puts me in a sugar coma until lunch. I tend to eat sweet tarts and reeses cups from the time I pluck (re: rip with child-like excitement) my stocking off the fireplace until the timer goes off for the cinnamon rolls. mm...cinnamon rolls. My dad makes killer pig in a blankets too.
It's the perfect salty solution when my body says no more food and my brain says "mooooore suuugar!!"

But in case you don't turn into a tazmanian devil when you eat large amounts of holiday goodness, and your focus can stretch beyond a couple of shiny green, gold, and red wrappers, here are some fantastic ideas for loved ones...
 Ladies, hate when your man runs off with his buddies every Saturday morning for 18 rounds of golf and 36 beers?
Get him an at home set with the lovely Nice Cup Bra. I really would have liked a racier title such as "My girlfriend likes in up the putt" bra or "She likes it in two holes" bra. But hey, that's just me.

Even Comes with a "Be Quiet" flag.
Your man needs to concentrate when he's trying to get it in the hole.

I mean, it is pretty clever. The Japanese really got a hole-in-one with this one.
Golf, naked girlfriend, what guy could ask for more?

And if you don't use one of those fancy schmancy David Beckham condoms, you may just end up with a little bundle of joy. What should you get her?
A solid gold Disney collectible of course (also by the Japanese)!

Oh, wait, those cost 30 million yen. You probably can't afford that.
Oh, you can?
Well it's not for sale, anyway!
Find another present for little illegitimate child Suzie.

Now here is where you really get to make the ultimate choice.
I hear it's up for a nation-wide vote.
1) Donate to the "Save Mayumi" fund and give a present to balloon boy
2) Vote for deportation and send Mayumi as a present to Japan as a thank you for your new gifts
That's right, Balloon Boy's parents are pleading guilty to avoid Mayumi's deportation.
Mom to a misdemeanor, Dad to a felony. Ouch! Guess you shouldn't have "Influenced a public servant," huh?
Maybe not all of the Japanese are as smart as we thought.
So much for Stereotypes.

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