Friday, October 23, 2009

This Blog is giving me a complex

In the spirit of the American obesity epidemic, I like to reward myself when I am "good" in the form of food and drink. For example, I had fully planned to go out last night. I even drank a beer while I dried my hair and put on full make up.

After the one beer got me tipsy the lightbulb in my head went off that I hadn't eaten dinner yet. So I grabbed some grub and turned on the tube so I wasn't eerily eating in silence while the houligans on McKinney hooped and hollered 50 feet below my balcony.

2 episodes of project runway later and halfway into Real Housewives of New Jersey, I realized I wasn't going out. By the way, if you watch RHNJ, the best line was to Kim from Nene, "Is yo wig squeezin yo head too tight, Heffa?"

Anyway, to celebrate my grown up behavior on a Thursday (re: by grown up, I mean lazy and hypnotized by that little screen on the wall), I decided to go to Starbucks this morning for a pumpkin spice latte. However, as I was pulling into the parking lot a panicked voice went off in my head, "You can't get that latte! You drink black coffee, two sugars! What if someone sees you? You know the guilt will drive you to put it in the blog!" I could have ignored it, I could have just gotten my signature pike roast--no room for cream, but for some reason I just drove straight past the parking lot and rounded the block to my building.

So thanks, blogspot, for guilting me into drinking the workplace brew that we call coffee around here. My family will be suing you in 30 years when I die of toxic tar build up in organs I didn't even know I had.

Speaking of organs I don't have, David Beckham condoms are coming soon (pun definitely intended)!!

They will be sold in the Museum of Madrid and and can be seen there in the exhibition Tears of Eros.

Um, yeah, Tears of Eros. That's what your man will be crying when you strap a little latex glove on his junk with David Beckham's face on it.

We won't even go into the fact that DB has 4 kids. Romeo Beckham is a September baby. New Year's mistake? Probably. I was.

Although my mom says I was a "pleasant surprise." She's just being nice, no one would use the word "pleasant" to describe me.

Bjorn Halvard Knappskog, is probably all sunshine and roses right now though.

He claimed the Monopoly World Title and $20,580 yesterday (congrats! my friends will not play board games or cards with me because I get too "agressive"). He's a 19 year-old Norwegian by the way, which means he can buy us all several rounds of beers! I'm looking him up on facebook right now....and I requested to be his friend.

The last people I asked to be my friends were these guys....

They all accepted and get extra points for being so fab-u-lous! I'll let you know how Bjorn and I are progressing.

So now I'm just Tweeting and wrapping things up before the weekend. Dreading the first "T.G.I.F.--Thank God I'm Fresh!!" tweet.

Oh, are you?
I think you're "Totally Going Insane, Fool!"

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