Monday, October 26, 2009

Rat a Tat Tat

I was planning to sleep at my parents' house last night anyway, but the storm that rolled in with thunder that shook the entire earth definitely sealed the deal. That was quite possibly the best decision I've made in months. Contrary my usual bitching and whining about my hate for Monday mornings, the glass is half full today.

For quite a few reasons:

1) My mom makes really good coffee. I think it's just from costco, but she grinds the beans fresh each morning and I packed up a thermos for the car (I blatantly disregarded her smirk as I filled the only insulated travel mug we have: OU).

2) It took me an hour to get to work.
It probably would have taken an hour and fifteen minutes had I not been the asshole who passed the 2 miles long line of cars waiting to get on the highway before cutting over at the last minute and giving a cute little smile and wave to the woman who let me in.
By "let me in" I obviously mean that the Cadillac that insisted on NOT letting me in (despite my attempts to sideswipe him) forced this woman to let me weasel through unless she wanted some lovely damage on the left side of her car.
Time to rock n roll!
Now, I would not want to commute every day, but I actually enjoy having a drive in the morning. Yes, I know that's weird. But I got to listen to talk radio and hear the following commercial:
"Hi, y'all! It's me, Melissa Rycroft. You may remember me from Dancing with the Stars or the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders....."

She went on to talk about T-mobile, but I'm lucky to even remember that.
Uh, excuse me? That is so NOT where we remember you from!

That face is famous for actually crying when Jason "Weenie Man" Weinerson (who you had known for 5 weeks?) didn't give you a rose.

There really aren't room for those tears, Jason cried enough for both of you.

3) Now the BEST part of the morning! I rolled out of bed this morning around 7:15 when I heard my mom making the coffee. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard this weird semi-screaming noise coming from downstairs. My Dad and I met at the top of the stairs "What's going on down there?"


This instantly reminds me of a time in 5th or 6th grade when I had a mouse ATTACK me.
I've always been a bit of an early bird and would go downstairs, make my own breakfast and just relax before school started.
Well one particular morning, I go to get some cereal and as I open our pantry door, a mouse jumped out from behind a can of green beans aiming straight for my chest.
With lightening speed, I jumped onto the counter before it could get to me, and that is precisely where my dad found me perched, shrieking, when he ran into the kitchen.

Back to the story at hand. Being a typical man, my dad says, "He was probably just eating the dog food, how big was the rat anyway? Are you exagerrating?"

A) To women, rats/mice/general rodents do not have sizes, they all looks like this:

B) If the rat was in fact eating the dog food, we have bigger problems.
The stuff is made with a lethal combination of lamb and beef that produces large amounts of gas in animals.
This gas eventually travels through the animal and erupts in a green cloud that hovers overhead with the most horrendous stench ever to strike the human nose.
Trust me, our house is not a pleasant place after the dogs eat dinner.

It reminds me of a recent clip posted by the one and only @cameronconder.
Remember Witches? Where the children turn into Rats via a cloud of green dust?
That's what it's like.

That was the lightbulb going off in my head.
The good things just keep coming.

Romo pulled it off yesterday, and this calls for yet another childhood favorite:

We will.......
We will.......
Pick you up and drop you
Flush you down the toilet
Hope you enjoyed it!

I will now take the time to admit I am a completely fair-weathered fan since Romo hopped on.
I miss the days of Aikman, Irvin, and Smith.
The trifecta of terror, the trio of trouble, the triplets of triumph....
oh, the glory days.

Back in the early 90s, our family used to have a Sunday Cowboys tradition.
There really wasn't much out in the Southlake area at the time, so we'd go to the only breakfast buffet in town: 

Nothing like unlimited eggs, french toast, pancakes, and butter to prep for a football game. We really did need energy though. I'm pretty sure my Mimi had a hernia yelling at the tv every sunday.

I'm also pretty sure that this was the start of my chubby phase.
 That worked out just fine since the only thing I ever wore was an oversized cowboys sweatshirt from my parents' closet. It matched my glasses.

I just couldn't help myself.
Everything's better with bacon!

Unless of course, you're Steve Phillips.

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