Thursday, October 29, 2009

The oldest damn pimp I ever done see

I'm in a very busy and important meeting all day today. I really don't even have time to educate you people right now, but this is just too good to pass up.

This guy has been drinking the purple stuff. We talkin bout the pimp juice, y'all. Meet Ahmed Dore.

"I didn't force her, but used my experience to convince her of my love; and then we agreed to marry," the groom said. He's quite experienced, as she is wife No. 5.

The girl's family says she is happy with her new husband. What they really mean is that they are happy with the llama and chickens he traded in return for her hand in marriage (This is not reported, merely my own speculation as I am in expert in Somali affairs).

The family is disappointed that he did not trade goats, because they wanted to use the goat skin for when the 17 year old detainee starts popping out babies. The 13 step children she is inheriting (yes, her oldest stepson is turning 81 this year) are not enough. Mr. Dore wants more children so that he can increase his grandchild collection. He only has 101 and is aiming to achieve the Guiness world record before his old ass keels over and dies.

In other news, China is filing a formal complaint against Mr. Dore for thwarting their efforts to control world population. His sperm are expected to be the oldest living molecules on earth.

The pimp was born in 1897 and has a goat skin birth certificate to prove it. Hopefully, these two will have a magical Benjamin Button baby so everyone can say, "Aww he looks just like his Daddy."

And speaking of Daddies, a special shout out to Rachel for sending me this little gem to accompany pregnant Barbie:

It's Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken, complete with a little white bitch. And he keeps her on a close leash.

Stay tuned for more adventures this evening.
I'll be sharing my travel adventures to L.A.
Land of the kens and barbies.
Hope I find MY sugar daddy!

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