Wednesday, February 3, 2010

You can get pregnant through your belly button

**The following story may or may not be true**
But it's one hell of a tale

This just in, Kenyan Olympic marathon runners not only are the fastest men on earth, but have trained their sperm to travel the length of the universe. 
You can just ask the 15 year old girl with no vagina.
You heard me. A 15 year old girl with no vagina was impregnated by African sperm....through her belly button.
Sidenote: getting pregnant out of wedlock may be the single most scary thought on the face of the planet.
a) I would have to pay for that fucker for 18 years, b) I can't seem to find a guy I can stand for more than a few months, so I am sure to be a single mother, c) I don't do barf, d) YOU CAN'T DRINK WHILE PREGNANT. 

Thank God I am dating my sweet BF Red Wine, because our wine babies will be able to tolerate the booze. It's like extra placenta to them.
So anyway, African bitch is all cray-cray and gets in a knife fight in which she is stabbed in the belly button.
The hoodlums prob would have gone for the neck but they have those neck stretchers on, ya dig?
I tell you what. Those neck rings are not worth it, ladies. Are you listening?
You are basically telling men you are training for the 'deep throater of the year' award.
And let's really take a look at all the disadvantages of this situation. 
First of all, home girl didn't even have a vagina.
[insert above comment again]
So you would think she couldn't even get pregnant. 
But that's not even the weird part. 
Then she went and got stabbed and it punctured something inside, and then when she just couldn't resist from giving BJs to all the tribal men in the village, one of their pools of swimmers actually traveled through her stomach and made it all the way to the ovaries where they settled into a cushy egg and turned into a fetus.
I mean, you have the worst luck EVER. Did you get AIDS too?
AND I just have to ask: If you don't have a vagina, why the fuck are you giving blow jobs? I completely disagree with the whole "better to give than receive" BS.
I would agree that it is better to give, then to receive.
See how grammar changes everything?!

You know a man made that up.
Most likely a man who should be on "To catch a predator: Africa style" where Chris Hanson is waiting in the hut when little old man comes in to get a blow job from a 15 year old who wears neck rings. 

But at least she got a matching C section scar to accessorize her stab wounds.
Scars were all the rage in Africa at the time.
So kids, the moral of the story is that you shouldn't be a whore.
And if you are a whore, don't let your old boyfriend catch you sucking off your new boyfriend, because you will get stabbed and you will get pregnant.

God Bless America, eh?

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