Do we have a problem?

I talk about drinking.

A lot.

It's one of my favorite hobbies, so naturally, this would occur.

HOWEVER.

I am beginning to wonder if people who don't *actually* know me know the difference between when I am kidding and when I'm not.

The difference is very subtle but important.

For instance, I have 3 very important rules that I see as my "I am not an alcoholic" bible:

1. Sober Mondays*: with exception of MLK day, memorial and labor day weekends

2. No blacking out on week nights**

3. Either of the above two rules must be honored except for special occasions***

 *Sober means not drunk, not "zero drinks", I have to have something to get through the Bachelor

**Thursday is still the weekend

***$2 marg Tuesdays, Any sporting event, living through another day

My morning was spent gchatting with the one and only Steph Higgs about our divine dinner plans tomorrow.

Our decision? The restaurant below her apartment that serves cucumber martinis....

That we eat at every single time I am in town.....

Because it's relatively cheap and easy......

And after getting sauced by 9pm, so am I......

[insert long lunch]

This afternoon, I overhear co-workers talking about cup holders in their cars.

One of them mentions she has room for a water, coke, and a gatorade all in the front of the car.

Oooohhhhh. My ears perk. The hangover trifecta.

Co-worker catches on: your car is made for a really thirsty person...or an alcoholic.

Co-qorker 2: LOL just keep a handle of vodka in the side compartment.

Me (not actually part of the conversation, just eavesdropping): YEAH! and a cooler in the console for roadies!!

Errr for when I am a passenger...when my chauffer is driving...

Co-worker: "You would Courtney...."

Yeah, okay?

I effing would.

And you know what? Keeping beers in your car is good.

I even donated one to a homeless man one very cold night and he was very grateful.

So cut me a fucking break, I am doing good deeds around here.

I justified my constant drinking as a stress reliever for work and general life woes 

(traffic, stubbing my toe, realizing there is no milk left for my cereal after I already poured the bowl)

Then I went on with my merry way, until about 30 minutes ago, when I realized I was having the following twitter exchange:

@cstanderfer: these PRETzels are MAKing me THIRSTY!

@Bread_Winners: Martini's are half-off after 5PM tonight!

@cstanderfer: @Bread_Winners what is your favorite martini? 

@Bread_Winners:@cstanderfer Just plain-o "dirty"

@cstanderfer: Good choice. Dirty martinis are my go-to. Bleu cheese stuffed olives complement perfectly. 

@Bread_Winners: @cstanderfer Ever stuffed w/ a jalapeño? or habanero?

@cstanderfer: @Bread_Winners jalapeno absolutely. very delish. never tried a habanero stuffed olive, but I love anything spicy. I'd probably be hooked.

@Bread_Winners: @cstanderfer One martini is all right. Two are too many, & three are not enough. ~James Thurber 

@cstanderfer: @Bread_Winners "I like to drink martinis. Two at the most. Three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host." -Dorothy Parker

@Bread_Winners: @cstanderfer “If it wasn't for the olives in his martinis, he'd starve to death!”- Milton Berle  

Yes, I wasted 30 minutes talking to a restaurant about Martinis.

I even googled that quote just so I could respond.

Although truer words have never been spoken.

But you know what the point is?

The point is that I do not drink too much.

Everyone else is just a little behind the curve.

I'm in the 99th percentile.

And last time I checked, that was a good thing.

Oh, and most importantly, I'm really fun.

So suck it.