Lent

I'm not Catholic.

Which I am very thankful for because I don't see how people look their priest in the eye after confessional. He would so know my voice and then I would be all embarassed and probably never go to church again.

For the record, I'm Methodist, but we still practice Lent every year.

I like Lent.

A lot of people say things like, "well shouldn't we be focused on sacrificing throughout the entire year?"

Well, sure. If knowing we should or shouldn't do something ever had an impact.

Man, I realllly know I don't need this beer...I shouldn't....ARE YOU GUYS TAKING JAGER BOMBS?!

But we are human.

It is the same reason we have New Year's resolutions.

And spring cleaning.

And why I promise myself every year in September on my birthday that *this* will be my year.

We like people telling us what to do.

Plus I am giving up sweets (as usual) and it's hard enough to last 40 days, much less 365.

I'm just glad I don't have to give up meat. Because I love every kind of animal you could possibly raise domestically and send to the slaughter house. Including but not limited to: chicken, cows, pigs, bacon (this is an entirely different element than regular ole pig and gets its own 'animal'), deer, duck, goose, turkey, and whatever else they put in hot dogs.

Let's be honest here, I thought about giving up booze.

Hell, I even thought about giving up one category of booze.

But it just felt like setting myself up for failure.

Which may or may not be my ultimate worst fear.

So I just pretended the thought never crossed my mind and decided that with my physical sacrifice, I will also improve my spiritual side by doing at least one good deed per day.

It sounds small.

And it is.

But I've realized that stress, the news, constantly being broke, and whatever other petty bullshit I complain about has started to make me bitter.

[serious sidenote: most satiric commentary on this blog is purely for comedic effect]

Actually, bitter isn't the right word; I feel entitled.

And entitlement is one of my most sacred pet peeves, which really isn't good since I'm kind of stuck with me.

I was driving to work last Thursday, already seething that my company didn't cancel work due to the snow.

Which I won't put it quotes because it was legit snow, but it was 35 degrees and the roads were just fine, plus I live less than a mile from the office, so even if they weren't fine I could bobsled my way over there pretty easily.

I wasn't late. In fact, I was early due to lack of showering and showing up in a long sleeve t shirt, sports bra, and glasses, which, ironically, I am also wearing today.

I should probably change at lunch. But then I would be that weird girl that changed.

Lose-lose.

So anyway, I get stuck behind this super annoying douchebag who can't drive worth shit poor little old man who can barely see over the steering wheel. 

Stupid old man! Can't drive! Get off the road during rush hour!! (I live in uptown....there is no rush hour on side streets...nothing even opens until 11am when the lunch crowd comes around...)

When he finally switched lanes I revved past him and sped down my lane, only to be stopped by a pesky red light.

Typical.

What the hell is wrong with me?

he's old!! and it is snowing!! 

So I am going to do small nice deeds to remind myself that somewhere in there is a heart not made of hard, black stone surrounded in barbed wire.

We will see how that goes when I can't have sweets.

Which I wasn;t even going to do but then I told me dear friend Nadia "Gonads" Tognocchi about my little good deed stint and she said "me too! and also giving up sweets like every year!"

Damn.

Can't be shown up for Lent!

So yet again, I turned something that should be for JESUS into a competition.

Because I just really like self-gratification.

This really will be a testament.

It's girl scout season.

Don't worry I already devised a plan to buy a few boxes for the boys overseas if I am accosted by small evil Lent-sabotagers in the grocery store or if they come a-knockin'.

2 for 2.

I'm really trying to do this for the right reasons.

But I'm already thinking about how this is going to benefit me now that swimsuit season is coming up.

Oh well.

At least I'm trying.