This morning, I had a realistic discussion with myself about things I am good at: running, plays on words, drinking, being judgmental, making grilled cheese, starting but not finishing after-parties, story-telling, knowing every reality tv show to ever exist, having photographic memory, brunching.
Things I am not good at: being told what to do, relationships, sleeping in, not drinking to excess, saving money, being patient and non-obsessive, understanding how every friend I have can be so chronically late for everything we ever plan.
So, if you put two and two together, I clearly have 3 career paths, which I have evaluated in order of least to most likely:
3. Owning my grilled cheese and alcoholic snowcone truck.
If you follow me on twitter (@cstanderfer, duh), you may remember some inklings of a food truck conversation.
What started as a joke quickly enolved into a 5 hour conversation, a serious follow up about legality and business investment with my dad, and then an utter fail at any sort of follow through.
The gist was that I would drive a party truck around, serving alcoholic snow cones (under the table of course), grilled cheese sandwiches, and have a party deck on top--complete with party playlists and a water balloon launcher.
I really don't care if you fin this unrealistic, because it's my blog and I can pretend that anything is possible.
Heard of Reading Rainbow much?
2. Charging my friends a flat fee to plan events and parties.
College-roommate Stephanie has already agreed to
gold dig make a mutual investment for us both.
She will find a rich doctor and I will move into their pool house and plan parties for them all while pursuing my career as an author.
This is a win, win.
Steph enjoys the finer things in life, while I really couldn't care less as long as I have a pool, booze, and nice running terrain.
And a stove.
To make my grilled cheese.
And maybe a hammock where I can lie while her cabana boy brings us drinks.
Okay, maybe I like some fine things.
I will probably have a long-term non committed relationship with him, resulting in him getting fired 8 months later when it becomes awkward.
Sounds about right.
1. The most realistic of the three:
I am going to apply at OPI and suggest a Texas line of nail polish colors.
I will come to work still-drunk, rattle off a bunch of plays on words, and be home by 2pm.
I made my own guidelines.
I can't imagine they would turn down my application considering I would settle for the same ungodly amount I make now.
*I do not support the following stereotypes.
**White and black were left off due to my lack of filter from brain to mouth.
Red-dy for some football
I red a book....once
Red River Rivalry
Papa's belt left a mark
This little piggy
Ain't red, Ain't yelluh
I spend my pesos on Queso
Mustard meets Ketchup: the state fair corndog saga
The Yellow Rose
Sister-cousin's a yeller
Irish I were Texan
Lime for my Tequila
Remember the Alam-okra
Light Blue Wranglers
Hair meets sky
Don't pick the Bluebonnets
Denim on Denim
Steers and Queers
My favorite eyeshadow
Prom Dress Plum
Gray, or is it Grey?
I love my Gun...metal gray
Goodness Graycious Great Balls of Fire
W meets Barack
Chicken Fried Steak
I love leather
40 in a brown paper bag
So that's my line.
Don't steal it.
And now I'm off to ride my horse to lunch, which is cornbread and beans.
Jk Jk, I'm totally eating a grilled cheese on my truck, obvi. And drinking tequila and dancing to hey soul sister.