Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I'm Going to work for OPI

This morning, I had a realistic discussion with myself about things I am good at: running, plays on words, drinking, being judgmental, making grilled cheese, starting but not finishing after-parties, story-telling, knowing every reality tv show to ever exist, having photographic memory, brunching.

Things I am not good at: being told what to do, relationships, sleeping in, not drinking to excess, saving money, being patient and non-obsessive, understanding how every friend I have can be so chronically late for everything we ever plan.

So, if you put two and two together, I clearly have 3 career paths, which I have evaluated in order of least to most likely:

3. Owning my grilled cheese and alcoholic snowcone truck.
If you follow me on twitter (@cstanderfer, duh), you may remember some inklings of a food truck conversation.
What started as a joke quickly enolved into a 5 hour conversation, a serious follow up about legality and business investment with my dad, and then an utter fail at any sort of follow through.
The gist was that I would drive a party truck around, serving alcoholic snow cones (under the table of course), grilled cheese sandwiches, and have a party deck on top--complete with party playlists and a water balloon launcher.
I really don't care if you fin this unrealistic, because it's my blog and I can pretend that anything is possible.
Heard of Reading Rainbow much?

2. Charging my friends a flat fee to plan events and parties.
College-roommate Stephanie has already agreed to gold dig make a mutual investment for us both.
She will find a rich doctor and I will move into their pool house and plan parties for them all while pursuing my career as an author.
This is a win, win.
Steph enjoys the finer things in life, while I really couldn't care less as long as I have a pool, booze, and nice running terrain.
And a stove.
To make my grilled cheese.
And maybe a hammock where I can lie while her cabana boy brings us drinks.
Okay, maybe I like some fine things.
I will probably have a long-term non committed relationship with him, resulting in him getting fired 8 months later when it becomes awkward.
Sounds about right.

1. The most realistic of the three:
I am going to apply at OPI and suggest a Texas line of nail polish colors.
I will come to work still-drunk, rattle off a bunch of plays on words, and be home by 2pm.
I made my own guidelines.
I can't imagine they would turn down my application considering I would settle for the same ungodly amount I make now.
 *I do not support the following stereotypes.
**White and black were left off due to my lack of filter from brain to mouth. 

My colors:
Red-dy for some football
Redneck Rumble
I red a book....once 
Red River Rivalry

Papa's belt left a mark 
Utter-ly pink
This little piggy

Texas Longh-orange
Ain't red, Ain't yelluh 
Marlboro Man-darin
I spend my pesos on Queso
Mustard meets Ketchup: the state fair corndog saga
San Tangelo

for Steph
Sister-cousin's a yeller
Fried Butter

Greener Pastures
Irish I were Texan
Lime for my Tequila
Mmm Guacamole
Remember the Alam-okra

Light Blue Wranglers 
Hair meets sky
Don't pick the Bluebonnets
Denim on Denim
Rick Periwinkle

Steers and Queers
My favorite eyeshadow
Prom Dress Plum
Gray, or is it Grey?
I love my Gun...metal gray
Goodness Graycious Great Balls of Fire
Grayn Whiskey
W meets Barack

Chicken Fried Steak
I love leather
Dead Grass
Wild Horses
40 in a brown paper bag

So that's my line.
Don't steal it.
It's patented.

And now I'm off to ride my horse to lunch, which is cornbread and beans.

Jk Jk, I'm totally eating a grilled cheese on my truck, obvi. And drinking tequila and dancing to hey soul sister. 

1 comment:

  1. Love the nail polish colours!!!! Great names!

    Also, if you are good at being judgemental then maybe you should be a judge - either in court or on a reality talent show...