Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Food Stamps

Well it's 12:23 and I came in to wrap up any loose ends before my delicious vacay I'm taking starting this afternoon.
And I do mean delicious. I salivate just thinking about it. 10 blissful days free from the ball and chain as I bask in the sunny hills of California.
Actually, my days will most likely be spent with vitamin water, in the fetal position, with a morphine drip connected to my arm. But the nights? Oh, those nights will be some to (never) remember. Glory, glory, hallelujah, I'm free at last, fee at last.
Anyway, my point was that I just ate oatmeal. I did it for 2 reasons:
Numero uno: No matter what time I get around to eating, I feel the need to eat breakfast first. I didn't want my first meal of the day to be a deli sandwich and pickle, because well, i don't tend to eat those for breakfast.
Unless I'm hungover. Then a grilled cheese is pretty standard. Who am I kidding? I would eat grilled cheese for any meal. It could just be classified as salty breakfast.

No. 2: It prevented me from having to shell out my hard earned cash on something silly like a hot meal.
This brought me to my latest realization.
In my past 5, probably more, trips to the grocery store I have bought the following (and only the following) items:
Turkey/Ham combo pack
Cheese (pepper jack or provolone, i switch it up)
but only every other trip because they cost $3.19 pssshhh, cmon, it's a drunk cucumber, gimme a break.
Moo pal cheese sticks
Spaghetti Sauce
I don't mind Grocery-Os or "Marshmallow cereal" if it's cheaper than name brand. My only rule is it has to come in a box. Cuz bagged cereal gives me the heebie jeebies. No seriously, I don't know why, it just does. They should put that shit in a box.

gotta feel healthy
Peanut butter

All of this costs approximately $40. And if I stretch it right, it can last me about 2 weeks.
Of course I leave about $10 spending cash for "specialty items" including but not limited to: frozen pizzas, goldfish, those marshmallow santas, boxed hair dye, and skittles.
Sometimes, I wonder when I turned into such a Frugal Frannie.
Probably when I decided I could live way about my means on a (lower end) 5 digit salary.
OMG, hey payday! Yes, I have money!!
Cell phone......
Gym membership I never use....
Drinking habits.....
Damn, I need a money tree.

But it's okay because everyone is going hungry!
It delighted me to come home and find Keystone Light in the fridge the other day.
We can't afford groceries, but we can drown our sorrows in frat beer.
And dip baby carrots in either yogurt or mustard, because that's what we're working with in our apartment.

I'm sure someday I will look back on all of this with fond memories.
But for now, I'm actively pursuing a winning lottery ticket.

Which is cool because I get an excuse to eat chinese food and ask for extra fortune cookies with lotto numbers on the back.
orange chicken, egg drop soup, fortune cookie

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